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NRFBM&C: No jury would convict me.....
Joined: Dec 12, 2005
Posted to Thread #21408 at 6:37 pm on Jan 11, 2012
This is going to be what Larry calls one of my BM&C moments, where I Bi+ch, Moan and Complain.
I’ve been married for 30 years to the love of my life. Most days are good...some, eh...not so good. But in the great scheme of Marital Bliss, no one ever tells you that love will come back one day to whack you upside the head.
I now firmly believe women need a marital clause for those times when homicidal thoughts are justified.
Take, for example, body weight. I have dealt with a weight problem my entire life. From Chubby Girl fashions straight through to Full-figured Woman, I've fought that battle on a daily basis. Some decades I’m fine; my BMI is normal and all is right with the world. But lately, I’d need to gain a few more inches to level it out...say, 6’11”? Consider that over the last two years, I’ve lost (and re-gained) the same 20 pounds.
Yet look at my husband. When he had major back surgery, the doctor recommended losing some weight to reduce the stress on his spine. Without a complaint, he stopped eating his nightly bedtime snack of olives, cheese, crackers and nuts and started eating an apple spread with peanut butter.
He lost 30 pounds without blinking an eye.
Okay. Maybe life's not so fair.
Consider how the decades have ravaged the fresh young face my husband married. Eyebrows thin and fade, skin dissolves into wrinkles and eyelashes become non-existent. I accept this as part of that “growing old together” pabulum they feed you.
But look at my husband. The medication he takes for glaucoma has darkened and thickened his already beautiful eyelashes while his skin looks like a pampered baby’s bottom due to lucky genes. Meanwhile, I struggle to mascara my four remaining lashes and am reduced to spackling on concealer.
Consider the universally-known postulate that<i> “a body in motion on vacation must gain weight.”</i> I, of course, was dutifully fulfilling my role during our September trip to New Mexico with fresh guacamole, margaritas and sopapillas. Imagine my reaction when Larry turned to me and said: <i>“Wow, I’ve lost 10 pounds on this trip!”</i>
Please. Imagine my reaction.
But I reached my breaking point a few weeks ago when he turned to me and said—in all sincerity: <i> “Is there any way to trim eyelashes? Mine are getting so long they’re hitting my glasses.”</i>
Ladies, feel free to line up for jury selection.
Jesus saves. Buddha recycles.
Other messages in this thread:
- 21408. NRFBM&C: No jury would convict me..... - MarilynFL - 6:37pm on 01/11/12 (20)
- first in line? that made me choke on my low fat chobani. grrrrrrr. [NT] - AngAk1 - 7:31pm on 01/11/12
- I'm right behind you Ang!!! Drawn and quartered at the very least :( [NT] - cheezz - 7:42pm on 01/11/12
- Grrrrrr..I'm in line, careful I might jump the queue..my DH is refered to as "son-like" by some..Grr [NT] - Lucegoosejoanie - 8:15pm on 01/11/12
- I think it is very cute and endearing. Lar loves you as you are. w or w/o eyelashes : ) Sounds - barb_b - 8:57pm on 01/11/12
- No matter how funny this is it is quite sexist! I've added another person in the past 29 years. - Michael in Sarasota - 11:07pm on 01/11/12
- Oh now that's just too painful! Makes you want to start calling Lifestyle Lift or something! [NT] - cheezz - 12:45am on 01/12/12
- This story made me go awww. And on another note: Latisse? - MariaDNoCA - 3:57am on 01/12/12
- I love Latisse! [NT] - deb-in-MI - 11:34am on 01/12/12
- Oh Marilyn, I was hysterical last night reading this. You are a gem :) Thank you for sharing this [NT] - Barbara in VA - 2:00pm on 01/12/12
- I'm so glad you mentioned this. - Marg CDN2 - 8:56pm on 01/12/12
- No need to use a new applicator each time... - deb-in-MI - 9:43pm on 01/12/12
- I used it on lower lashes...it's not a good look - MariaDNoCA - 11:13pm on 01/12/12
- I briefly considered Latisse 'til I read that it can change eye color permanently. LashBlast it is! [NT] - ErininNY - 10:38pm on 01/12/12
- So Im looking at you all with blue eyes right now; maybe later...brown. [NT] - Marg CDN2 - 5:38am on 01/13/12
- Who knew "Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue" was really about Latisse? ;) [NT] - ErininNY - 10:17pm on 01/13/12
- ha! [NT] - MarilynFL - 8:52pm on 01/14/12
- Priceless, Marilyn.... - SallyBR - 5:53pm on 01/12/12
- My brother has eyelashes like these. Drives me nuts. [NT] - ErininNY - 10:36pm on 01/12/12
- I feel for Lar, my eyelashes hit my glasses too and it really is annoying <ducking> [NT] - Richard in Cincy - 5:07am on 01/13/12
- Wonderful share! We tell mine he can't lose any more weight... - Glennis_NoCA - 6:36pm on 01/14/12